Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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