woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
