That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
