Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
