When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
