Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize