is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
