It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
