my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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