Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
