please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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