Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
