There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
