i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
