It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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