Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
