I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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