we're blogging at a bar
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
