I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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