So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
