Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
