k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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