i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
