i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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