Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
