help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
