He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize