Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
