Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
