you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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