i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the condom got lost in my hair
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize