I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
