i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
