just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
