community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
