This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ugly people sure do ruin things
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize