nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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