rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
