if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
barbara walters just said penis...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
