I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
