she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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