it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
