that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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