some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize