i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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