Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
