Apparently you make a good broom.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
