My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
