He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
