Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
