I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
