Kiss
Puke
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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