You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize