Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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