its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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