Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize