i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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