Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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