About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Randomize
