i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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