If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize