You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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