I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
