I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
