Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
