In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You are a genius and a whore.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
