It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize