just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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