3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
