i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
