I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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